Friday, May 1, 2009

MOMENTS IN TIME


THE LAST PHOTOGRAPH ON THE LAST PAGE OF MY PHOTO ALBUM..
THAT READS 'GROWING UP..'

AND THE SONG THAT THE ALBUM OPENS UP WITH...


'Another turning point;a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;directs you where to go.

So make the best of this testand don't ask why.

It's not a questionbut a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable...but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.


So take the photographs and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf In good health and good time...

Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,it was worth all the while...


It's something unpredictable...but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.


It's something unpredictable...but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.


It's something unpredictable...but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.


Monday, March 30, 2009

'A SCORPION THAT WILL STING'


"Faint heart never won a Scorpio female. It takes a man who knows exactly what he wants to hold his ground against a woman born under this sign.


Scorpio woman is very emotional, very affectionate, and very demanding. She is not interested in a light flirtation or a bed for the night. Neither does she believe in sharing. Any man who thinks it isn’t necessary to sign a treaty just because he’s having an affair would do well to avoid getting involved with a Scorpio female. She believes in treaties with irrevocable caluses and lots of fine print spelling out just what you can’t do.


How does she get away with being so possessive and jealous? Because she is a marvlous, fascinating, irresistable woman– exciting in the bedroom, entertaining in the living room. She carries with her an enticing air of mystery. She can drive a man to the brink of despair and with a gesture summon him back to the heights of happiness.


There is no in-between with this explosive female. With any other woman of the zodiac, you can work out some sort of compromise about who has rights and who has suffered wrongs. Not with her. You have to knuckle under and make the best of your bargain, or settle for living in the middle of a permanent earthquake.


Love is very important to her, and she can turn on enough magnetism to attract any man. If a man is really special, she is willing to play the role of aggressor. Her dynamo starts to whir as soon as her remarkable intuitions tell her that this man is someone she’ll be happy with. Her intuitions are rarely wrong. She is gifted with the ability to penetrate into hidden secrets of human nature.


Scorpio is a water sign, and like all the water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) this woman is very susceptible to the feelings of others. Her most intense desire is for a close, committed union. In a relationship she cannot bear coldness or casualness or a feeling that she is being shunted aside. When she is in love she is at her most vulnerable, for then a lover can hurt her without even knowing it. Another woman might forgive and forget, but when a Scorpio woman is hurt she will always strike back. If necessary, she will destroy.


However, despite what you’ve heard about Scorpio’s willful, passionate nature, she is a faithful mate to the man she chooses for her own. Hers is a fixed sign, and she possesses an enduring capacity for loyalty. A man could not have a fiercer ally. If a Scorpio woman loves you, she will defend and protect you with her dying breath. What she demands is constancy–what she offers is fidelity. "

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"She is possessive, but most men with a Scorpio woman in their lives will tell you they want nothing more than to be possessed by her."

Monday, January 26, 2009

Drunk dreams make music to my (y)ears!



All of us who blog - blog to somehow vent our thoughts out. We all have friends to talk to, we do but then I guess its not always the right person, the right moment or the right thought.

One;s entire life can be summed up in one line, as I sit and think - 'Chasing my dreams'. From getting the sports barbie to getting a five digit salary - finding your true love to getting the best college for your kid. You chase your dreams the minute you're born. How strange. The life that you live day in and day out - is real - you can touch and feel the sweat tickle down your spine, the blood that runs through - as against the illusion of a vision that you see as you sleep - the dreams that you weave. Noone knows if your vision even truly exists. Noone can sit down and tell you - yes you will be the CEO one day. But you go on, chasing, dreaming, panting - telling yourself 'ill make it happen'.

You promise yourself a hundered things every night and cajole your self to sleep. But the next day when you're faced with the world that's real - a realization hits you that maybe - not all the promises you made will come true. Maybe that mirror lies to you everytime it shows you a face that you unquestionably accept as your own. Maybe destiny has other plans. What do you do then? You try and find a place in this real world that will still foster your dreams. That won't judge you by your eccentric dreamworld that you're trying to realize in this reality. People resort to music, alcohol, love - things that drug you; make you forget that there was ever a line between whats real and what isnt.

I find an uncanny similarity in of alcohol, music, falling in love and chasing dreams. All have to do with creating a world different than your own and you believe you'll make it - you ll live it. This world is only known to you and noone else. One that makes you be what you really are. Alcohol gives you the illusion of being in a world which is what you make it to be! Music is SOUND that connects one man to the inner feelings of the other. It's sound but it will connect two souls without a word spoken. Love is a feeling that gives you the confidence that no matter what you do in life - there is someone you can always go to - when the worst strikes and the skies fall. Someone will keep their little hut warm and take you in as it pours all night. And dreams - intangible, unreal - they make you believe that the pulse in your vein beats for a purpose that you are set out to acheive - that all you do is worth something beautiful that will come to you some day. All you need to do is close your eyes and see. Whatever you see then is what you can achieve.

'Such is life' they say - You dream you wake up to wish that dream turns real. And well, right now - you're chasing it. You're chasing a lot of things you ve only imagined never felt.

Am doing that too - my dreams are drunk, they fall in and out of love with me - and this is my music in the silence of my inside!

Today I know - My Drunk dreams will always make music to my (y)ears!
-----------------------------------------------------------
'They are not long, the weeping and the laughter,
Love and desire and hate:
I think they have no portion in us after
We pass the gate.
They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while,
then closesWithin a dream.'

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Waiting ...yes I'm still waiting.


They say its a 'phase' of life. You grow up. You did - and suddenly you feel like you wished time would stop and you'd go back to where you were - confused, identity less and YOU. Sadly, time's ticked by and you;ve suddenly started to bother about getting your dad a new cell phone rather than changing the themes of your own. Yep time ticked by, and before i knew it - my internship suddenly seemed to carry so much more weightage than all those hugs that waited for me back home..

My folks called, i discussed - my career, my plans, my moves - all of those that led me anything but near them - and they agreed. They encouraged. I think none of us realized how much we missed each other - they were lost in making me who they thought i wanted to be, while i was busy becoming who i think iwant to be. None of it makes sense - but i kept treading along this path of goals, ambitions, success trying to find myself along the way. But the farther i travelled, the deeper the forest became - the tired my soles got, the faster my pulse. But when i stopped to look around, i saw noone behind me. The thrill of getting this far all alone was somehow getting dissolved in the sweat of my run - which left me wondering why isnt there anyone around to hold me as i staggered...

And then as i went along that dark forest, and the meadows got darker, the sun began to set - i kept running and saw this beautiful bonfire - alive with men and women - so many people -each that seemed something like me. They welcomed me, held me, offered me rest for a while and as i sat with them looking at the stars - it became midnight and they offered me to sleep the night. The star faded away as i got up - confused but apparently confident of resuming my run again - I wanted to cross this forest to be the other end - hoping ,dreaming - that is where lies my destiny and that is where ill finally rest. Perhaps buy my folks happiness. And myself - incidentally.

And so the fun ends and i begin to pace again - sweating staggering. No there is no end. Am still walking that forest, sometimes scared, sometimes fascinated...but forever wondering how come noone followed me from that bonfire just to know where i was headed? Did noone that i spoke to wondered who i really was beyond what i told them to be? Does it strike nobody that i could be staring at a star that never was? Walking a forest that has no end?

I keep looking back as i walk - i never stop. But i see noone. And so i walk alone. Moments pass, memories haunt - i smile, i sing, i stagger , i sigh.. and i go on. Running to reach the other end - awaiting my destiny the other end - not knowing which way will lead me to it, not knowing, perhaps it is my journey that is my destiny and there is no other end. And so i keep looking back, to see if someone followed me - without a question, without a sound..if someone cared to Really know me after they knew me all.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'My first step...shall be to lose the way. '

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Choosing to deny all choices I ever made


Who decides what’s black and what’s white? Who decides black is dark and white isn’t? Who decides what Is immoral and what’s not? If I stole some money from a rich man’s wallet, id be penalized but if I used it to buy some bread for a hungry nursing mother on the road – well, id still be penalized. It’s not because they still think I did wrong, it’ll be because they don’t know WHO did wrong. Who to blame and who is the reason that nursing mother will sleep hungry for nights. The problem is, some of us with voices loud enough to penetrate a mass shouted some rules a decade ago, that all of us nodded our heads to and now nobody knows why should we be following them.



Why should we follow rules? Who lays them? Who decides the fate of an individual that I believe is predestined. Could you choose to be born in a home without a thatch? Could you choose to hit or not hit a policeman who robbed you and raped your sister? Can we choose to not rely on to the ‘supernatural’ when someone beloved lies heavily breathing in that I.C.U? Do we really have choices? Yet would it mean, the roofless man is a low class bugger staying in a dingy apartment; the man who hit the cop in self defense is a criminal and that because a man lies in the ICU – his mother necessarily believes in the power of God? No. It simply means – life did not give them enough choices to do what THEY wanted, without being labeled.



How many times did you close your bedroom door and shout out loud – ITS MY LIFE. Why can’t I possibly do what I want? – Religion, caste, colour, morality, creed, family, age ... No bar. Simply because they are MY decisions and I am perhaps bound to do them this way or that. The point is, why do we go on living “governed” by these rules and regulations made by man? Why don’t we live free? Why should a man pass a beggar on the street and pay him and move on – will it be really weird a sight if he, instead got out in the rain and hugged that little girl in his arms and wiped rain off her face? It would be. Simply because he was not ‘supposed’ to do that. Who’s defining these lines of ‘fake suppositions’ while we’re sleeping? - Because it almost seems like we’ve woken up to some predefined ROLE that we’re to fit in. A cobbler will gamble, a girl will scar, a mother will fret, a lover will stroll – things that cannot be silenced and policed.
Choices – what choice do I have in a room that has a stylized sofa, a plasma TV, a heavy wallet and ready-to-eat pasta cheese? What choice have I left for myself in a house that screams ‘LIVE THIS WAY’. Would I never be happy (possibly happier) in a small little hut with 2 bananas a meal and hay to sleep on? Would I never see myself in the mirror again if I noticed my nose was broken? I would. But would I be happy? Maybe not – because iv gotten so used to perfect pictures of perfect Cindy Crawford’s and the perfect aaahs of people around me, that quite understandably I d look rather ugly in a world that calls a woman ‘beautiful’ standing 3o meters away from her. Choices? Hell, no.



Let ME ask those who made these rules a question this time. “Are you today who you Really wanted to be?” - And you know, I believe in giving them choices. So, a) Yes b) No and c) I don’t know/remember exactly who I wanted to be (I think somewhere in between being myself and being who I m ‘supposed’ to be, I’ve lost myself) – and no I, unlike LIFE will not penalize you for going for the last option. Because they are choices for REAL. Those who said YES are so complacent already, they’ve probably stopped wanting , dreaming to be something more. Those who said NO are poor victims of these societal norms and lay surrendered. Those who opt for the last option are like me, still struggling – wondering to themselves “Why isn’t the mask given to me, fitting my face?” ...standing clueless amidst a sea of masked faces.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


LIVING TO THE POINT OF BREATHLESSNESS!


Its true that when u live a certain way, you’re used to that life, you see it differently, you peep in and see that the water is blue and the waves are thunderous... but when you’re flown away while you were sleeping, into a different world, a different space and when your eyes open you realize This is your world. To adjust your eyes to your new self, even your reflection in the mirror doesn’t look the same anymore. But then you look at the same blue green water and suddenly you can see a zillion living forms that breathe under that water, their entire world that thronged right below your feet, something you never noticed before. Perhaps because you could never see it. Now you do.

Its true. What a change of place, just a literal shift of location can really change the way you look at things. Your perspective on yourself, redefine what you want from life. Sitting on a flight, have you ever peeped outside the windows, seen those humungous clouds and asked yourself, what lies ahead? If this journey was etched in those lines of my palm? Hell no, we never go this philosophical on a simple flight well do we?

But as we step down the flight steps exiting the airport of a completely new place, leaving your folks behind, your room…your bed that you so made it your own with all those funny looking pillows and hair bands tied to different corners...your pals...hell, your life. Settled life. With 1.5 hours of some manmade machine that flies on air, you’ve been torn away from all that you called ‘Yours’ to a new place you’re yet to shake hands with and introduce yourself to, let alone make friends with. I step into a barren flat. Walls that stare back at me every time I call out to my own self... no one was around anyway. The room that I pick will be my new room. Bed...yes there will be my bed; I’ll try and recreate the magic that will make me want to dream before I close my eyes on this one. I move about ferociously setting a few objects that I carried from my earlier home into this one...trying to make it seem ‘my own’. Mum dad sister... god… everything was settled in place. My pillows…those hair bands… I managed to get them all. But did it still feel ‘home’? You got it. It got dirty on busy days, but there were no motherly shrieks that demanded an instant clean up accompanied with predictions of my doomed married life…there were no thrown chocolate wrappers that reminded me of my dad who’d just produce them out of nowhere any given time of the day…here was my god, but no bells ringing early morning… yes every day I missed ‘home’ in my home. But we have what they show in those K serials… death in family, back to red saree and red earrings the next morning at the breakfast table. Resilience. Adaptability.

As months passed, I adapted. Chocolates were bought, by me. Wrappers were thrown. My roomie did shriek when I messed it all up…Seemed like my home but characters had changed, dialogues were different and the script too was totally different. I was slogging day and night…and funny but I realize as I sit typing this, that its only when you’re in complete shit of things, busy, helter-skelter and hotchpotch when you hatch the prettiest of dreams, the strongest of goals, the softest of fantasies…and so as I slogged day in and day out, my aching legs made me dream. And I dreamt of all those things that almost always came easy to me when I stayed with family. And now as I lay staring at the sky from my room window I realize, miles and miles away, this is what I’ve probably been sent to do. To dream. Dream the unreal…and make it true.

Funny is it not, a reality check in every sense is just making me dream…bigger, larger, sweeter.
A change of place and lifestyle has changed the way I look at myself today. I stand alone yes I do, but I stand holding my positivity, my beliefs, and my dreams close to me…right where my family stood just months back. The scene’s changed…I think this is a new phase of my life - When the sparrow flies away from its nest. But I’m going to fly back, with a zillion more grains of cereal in my beak than my father sparrow ever fed me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

Friday, June 1, 2007

DYING SUN



Sinners pray
Cross rusts
Hand shakes
That blessed the cursed

Fingers point
Bullets fire
Dying man
Counts money at pyre

Ties break
Trust deceives
Honest man
in Death believes

Laughter echos
Tears dry
Silence throbs
As you scream Why?

Lay bleeding
Life you shun
With fluttering eyelids
Watch the dying sun…

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



"It runs in every vein ..the blood. But having to wake up every morning and see it oozing out, does it really remind you that you're alive?"